Review: Eight Against Reality

written by Frank Dutkiewicz

I’ve sold stories. Dave’s sold stories. A sizable portion of the people reading this blog have sold them as well. Everyone (don’t deny it if you have sold one) couldn’t have done it without help. A friend to give it a look, lend a helping hand, and tell you when you are off your rocker and to change that thing you thought was so clever when you wrote it.

Writers never go it alone. Stories are their babies, babies that have had more than one uncle or aunt to help bring it to maturity. Most writers belong to a critique group. Some are large with an open door policy to all that want to join (Critters, Hatrack), while others are exclusive (Codex).

Eight Against Reality is an anthology put together by a very exclusive writers group called Written in Blood. It’s eight members vowed to help each other through thick and thin. So confident are they with each other’s abilities that they all contributed a story for all of us to read.

Let’s just see how good this exclusive club of writers isâ€

The Eminence’s Match by Juliette Wade

Eminence Nekantor is a difficult man to please. If His Eminence isn’t happy, then no one will be happy, and His Eminence is rarely happy. Bureaucrats run from his fury. The house-servants cringe from his cruelty. An entire nation will suffer when His Eminence is on a rampage. The task of pleasing Nekantor, and suffer the brunt of his fury, falls upon his Imbati manservant, a job that proves difficult to fill.

Kurek, an experienced manservant, is the latest to fail. Now the Service Academy must ready another. The Director is set to send one of its top students, but Details Master Arkad believes Xinta is the only one capable of handling His Eminence’s extrinsic need for perfection. Xinta has proved to have trouble dealing with the abuse of the academy, but Arkad senses a quality in him that may be just what His Eminence has desired all along.

The Eminence’s Match is a tale of a powerful man with an obsessive-compulsive disorder that has run amuck. It opens with the reader experiencing Nekantor tormenting his manservant, Kurek. Nekantor expects a level of perfection that any rational person would consider impossible. Trapped in his own sickness, Nekantor seeks to share his misery by making a game of breaking his Imbati manservants’ calm disposition.

The Service Academy is a school designed to teach young men to endure the abuse Grobal noblemen dish out on their manservants. The students must suffer through a gauntlet of physical abuse while a Grobal instructor verbally assaults them. The lessons taught within its walls would be considered felonious in any modern day western society. Xinta is a convincing timid and meek man-child that has been stripped of most of his pride so he will be able to live a life as a human punching bag.

The strength of this story is the characters. The tale is told from four separate points of view with most of it done through Nekantor and Xinta’s eyes. All the people are under an enormous amount of stress. From the start, the reader is led to believe that Nekantor is a spoiled man that is cruel only because it gives him pleasure, but he is in reality suffering from a mental illness that has him on the verge of rendering him incapacitated. The OCD that has consumed him is overwhelming, but not obvious from Nekantor’s perspective. In fact, Ms Wade did such a splendid job that the reader is able to piece together what is wrong with Nekantor without the character being aware of it himself.

The story done from Xinta’s eyes is equally as astounding. The academy challenges its students to defy the ‘turning the other cheek’ axiom they need to adhere to if they are to succeed. Ms Wade offers how such a character could rationalize enduring such an irrational task. I found him convincing and very likeable.

The Eminence’s Match is about insane people set in a crazy circumstance that is told so rational people can sympathize with it all. Juliette Wade managed an impossible task by bringing these people to life and making it all believable. I found the characters delightful and the story powerful, but like the theme of her story, all was not perfect. I have one complaint, and it is a big one.

The tale ended just as the really story was about to begin. The title and plot led me to believe that a titanic battle of wills was about to commence. The story from the first word to the last scene was written as a set up for a classic ‘unstoppable force vs the immovable object’ struggle. Instead, Ms Wade chose a different ending. The resolution was too simple and unsatisfying. I wanted, and expected, more.

The writing in The Eminence’s Match is first class. I loved Ms Wade’s style and her ability to bring her dysfunctional people to life. The story is fitting for an opening act for any best selling anthology.

Kip, Running by Genevieve Williams

Kip is a freerunner. She runs in a future Seattle that has grown tall and is connected with a complex mass-transit system. The races are run through the city’s skyline and the rules are simple; get to the finish line any way you can but you must do it on foot or by riding for free. Kip’s aim is to beat her rival, Narciso, and win the object of her affection in the process, Lily, Narciso’s girlfriend and freerunner groupie.

A freerunner race is a daring and dangerous game. The object of the race is to grab onto anything that moves to get you to the finish line, not unlike what modern day skateboarders do by grabbing the bumpers of passing cars, except this game has a 3-dimensional element to it with mass-transit lines running 80 stories above the ground. The racers give a whole new meaning to the concept of train jumping.

Kip, Running is a rollercoaster of a story. Kip glides through the tall skyline like a flying squirrel in a redwood forest. Following her run is an exciting adventure. Particularly enticing is the futuristic Seattle. The fast-paced city is very different from today, but not so different that it is alien to the reader. I could visualize Kip flying through its skyline, very well done.

Not as exciting is Kip’s obsession with Lily. Kip believes defeating her rival will win his girlfriend’s heart. It becomes the reason for her to risk her life, not the adrenaline surges of leaping from train to slidewalk hundreds of feet above an unseen street. Her obsession dulls the edge of a sharp adventure. It cheapened the thrill of the piece and made me less sympathetic for Kip. The sidebar story set up for a disappointing finish. I cannot remember an ending line that I disliked more. I would have preferred reading ‘The End’ in its place.

Despite my disappointment with the ending, I found Ms Williams’ story telling professionally well done. The writing is very solid and the visual narrative first class. I did enjoy 90% of Kip, Running and can see why it was chosen for this anthology.

The Lonely Heart by Aliette de Bodard

A thin street girl named Xia eyes a statue at Chen’s merchant stall. The girl is reminder of a life Chen escaped, but unlike Chen, Xia has fallen prey to a pimp. Powerless to help her, Chen returns home to the husband that rescued her ten years before and his mother. She tries to put the tormented child, and her pimp’s threatening words, out of her mind. Then Xia appears at her door. Chen is torn between looking out for her family’s best interest and the guilt of Xia’s empty life. But there is more to Xia than meets the eye. Chen has yet to learn how empty of life Xia is.

The Lonely Heart is a sad story that shifts unexpectedly to a creepy one. Chen is portrayed as one of the fortunate early in the story. She was lucky to survive the homeless existence of her youth to become a member of China’s lower middle-class. She is grateful to her husband for rescuing her. Ms Bodard does a masterful job of showing a life that most would find dismal as a blessing.

Xia has an effect on Chen immediately. Her presence tugs at Chen’s conscience. As the story progresses, Xia forces Chen to realize her role in her marriage, and why her husband rescued her long ago. The story would have been great if Ms Bodard would have stuck with this extraordinary theme, but she inserted a twist that I didn’t see coming. High marks for that.

I found The Lonely Heart special. A disguised horror that was so much more. Ms Bodard successfully created a character that is subtly filled with guilt. She set up a convincing past and a unique set of circumstances to make Chen’s choice believable. For anyone else, the price she paid at the end would be too high. Ms Bodard sold me that it wouldn’t be too high for Chen. Masterfully done.

The Flying Squids of Zondor: The Movie Script by Doug Sharp

Commandrix Dron and her valiant (and dense) crew of the Trigon have been saddled to play host to the female prince, and heir to the Tandori crown, Galina. To relieve her indignity of being relegated to a ‘whoremonger’, Dron spots a planet filled with flying squids to take her anger out on. The Planet Zondor is ruled by the giant squid Zondor the Fertile. The squids are a peaceful race (except for the second in command, Zondor 2). The primitive Zondor squids spot the Trigon approaching from deep space (no explanation how they were able to detect it), and do nothing.

Dron instructs her rocket crew to attack and floors it. Galina does her best to yank on the steering wheel (interstellar ships have steering wheels?). They crash on the planet, suffering only 60% casualties in the process. They proceed to attack the palace (the only structure on the planet) and that is when things get really weird.

The Flying Squids of Zondor: The Movie Script is more of a 20 minute skit than a movie script. If written, it would need a lot of actors. There of 17 speaking parts, 32 actually, considering MAN-16 is in fact 16 humans melded into one being. Reading it as a script is odd in itself. The narrative is preachy (just like a script), which made the story fast, as in a blur. Smooth prose was not an objective for this piece.

It is clear that Mr Sharp really wasn’t pitching the next great movie. The story is really a Sci-Fi satire. Well, more of a farce. I believe Mr Sharp was really writing a bit, but not one you would find on Saturday Night Live. I’m guessing Doug was going for more of a Monty Python flavor. The dialog, for example, was way over the top.

Treat Commandrix Den Dron like a whoremonger will you? Hump blatantly in my fearsome Trigon?

Record my vow: I shall wreak dreadful vengeance upon the Tandori crown.

The Flying Squids of Zondor: The Movie Script is simply silly. A silly premise filled with ridiculous characters. Some of the funniest comedies in history are controversial and misunderstood. The more over the top (Three Stooges, Family Guy, Cheech and Chong), the more diverse the opinions will be about them.

Writing funny stories in the fantasy/sci-fi genre is something I like to do, at least I think they’re funny when I write them. I bet Doug thought the same thing when he wrote this.

Humor is subjective, but when you are pushing the line on ridiculous, there is a point when the effort negates the humor. Kind of like when a horror movie goes way over on the gore and screaming women, it ceases to be scary to anyone.

I believe writing this as a movie script was a mistake. Sticking to the tried and true prose of a short story could have made this work. Some jokes need a set up, not much set up here. The Flying Squids of Zondor: The Movie Script is a story of punch lines, but no substance.

Spoiling Veena by Keyan Bowes

Shalini worked hard to make Veena’s birthday special and her best efforts are falling short. The snowfall she ordered became hail. The cake she bought was supposed to be a replica of the Snow Castle, instead they got America’s Congressional Capital. All Shalini wanted for her gender-manipulated daughter, was to make her princess happy. What will make Veena happy may be more change than Shalini expected.

Spoiling Veena is a tale of a parents desire to do what is best for their child. The story explores a future where gender tailoring is a possibility and how it affects the people around them. The author wisely sets the tale inside a future India, where old prejudices still linger in the progressively advancing society. Shalini’s generation is caught between her daughter’s ‘do what makes you happy’ philosophy and her mother’s ‘god intended people to be one way’ morals. The premise is a potential future problem, which makes for good Sci-Fi.

I liked the idea but I didn’t like the author’s decision to write it in a present tense format. The story is written over a time frame that covered a few months. I am not against the present tense style but it didn’t feel right for this one.

I found the ending fitting, one of those little twists that I like. Good idea. The story didn’t bowl me over but did make me think.

Man’s Best Enemy by Janice Hardy

The people of Atlanta, all 98 of them, are expecting this year to be one of the best in a long time, then one of their own falls to a juvie. News that the dogs are near is tragic. Hunters are needed to take it down. Shawna volunteers, but no one wants the doctor’s apprentice to go. Armed with only javelins, bringing down a juvie isn’t always easy. Juvies have a way of becoming adults, and if you aren’t careful, you may find yourself on the wrong end the food chain.

Man’s Best Enemy is set inside an Atlanta a generation removed from a devastating plague. Man’s best friend has become its vicious enemy. Searching for remnants of dwindling supplies is dangerous, but finding an undisturbed store may be worth the risk.

The dogs of Atlanta have grown and are now the top predator. The few people left are holding the downtown area, protecting their dwindling livestock in the abandoned stadiums, and doing their best to rebound in hopes of rebuilding a civilization. Shawna wants to become a hunter like her mother was and brother is. A fallen hunter, and her brother’s infection from a dog bite, has granted her a rare opportunity.

Man’s Best Enemy is hair-raising excitement. The young teens have become the front line defenders against a lion-sized enemy. The people of Atlanta are under siege and are holding the last bit of ground that isn’t overrun by packs of vicious maneaters. Ms Hardy has done a splendid job with this dystopia tale. I found the MC likeable and the Atlanta’s blight believable. I could see why they would be wary of using the last of their guns’ ammunition but found it odd they only brought javelins with them. Spears are easy to make and would do well against even a large dog. The tactics the young defenders used seemed foolish as well. Trying to outrun a predator is just plain suicide.

Although I could poke all kinds of holes in it, I still found Man’s Best Enemy a good story. I liked it.

Love, Blood and Octli by T. L. Morganfield

Ayomichi has found favor with a feathered serpent. Ehecatl is the wind god and gives Ayomichi a gift for her people, creating happiness for all. Ayomichi becomes priestess for her Ehecatl. She discovers that gods do have more than one side to them. Ayomichi and her people learn that gods are like strangers, and that you should be wary when they come bearing gifts.

Love, Blood, and Octli is a fable, a retelling of an Aztec myth. The story is told as Ayomichi grows from a small child to a leader of her tribe. Mankind is changed by Ehecatl’s gifts. Ehecatl himself changes as the story progresses. In the form of a snake, the god molts, and takes on a new personality when he does.

If you are one that can’t get enough of Aesop, than you’ll probably love Love, Blood, and Octli. The story does run a lot longer than a Greek fable and the moral isn’t as clear as the ones reflected in Aesop’s wisdom. In fact, I’m not all sure there is a moral in this tale. Never lose faith, perhaps?

I must say that I think it was a mistake sticking to the fable format. Yes, this was based on a myth, but it could have still been written in a style that was less like a religious lesson than a work of fictional entertainment. I think I would have enjoyed it more if it were.

Dancing by Numbers by Dario Ciriello

Lyra is a dedicated ballerina. She has been working on her focus, concentrating her whole being to find her center of balance, when she slips into another world and different Lyra. She has discovered a new reality, and realizes that she can repeat the process. Lyra becomes an explorer, an explorer of other Lyras. Her friends and workmates worry that she is losing it. When every decision that was ever made can spawn a new reality, losing it becomes just another possibility.

Dancing by Numbers is a new look at alternate universes. Dario Ciriello came up with a concept that makes it seem almost possible. Lyra One (as she comes to call herself) starts a trend. Once combined with her other selves, memories and thoughts become one. The brief visits spur her counterparts to make their own leaps. Lyra One becomes the pebble that starts a ripple in a sea of multi-able universes.

Mr Ciriello’s knowledge of history is a big plus. The universe of a Carthage victory I would have liked to know more about. Too bad he didn’t delve deeper into the different universes for us to learn more.

Alternate universe stories are like time travel ones. Questions that defy the premise arise for readers. For me, the story is too tight. I would have liked more of Lyra(s). The tale is crisp, but brief. I liked the idea and Mr Ciriello’s style, but the tale needed more story for me to fall into it.

Final Thoughts

I envy the Written in Blood writers group for their perseverance. I was once part of a group that attempted the same thing they did. We were about the same size with the same goal; get a group of emerging writers together and work for the benefit of all. Instead of equals that were eager to help each other, we devolved into something like a dysfunctional family sitting together for a disastrous Thanksgiving dinner. The group lasted less than a month. Three years later, Written in Blood is still going strong. Standing ovation for that feat.

Eight Against Reality is a risky endeavor. The separate styles in writing and shifting genres may turn some away. I love reading such anthologies but more than a few gravitate to collections that share a theme that interests them. The only theme to this collection is a shared history between the authors. However, if the only criteria that concerns you is the quality of the writing, then you have nothing to worry about.

I have yet to read an anthology with so many different authors where I liked all the stories. Eight Against Reality does not break that streak. However, rarely will you find the quality of writing this consistently high.

I found almost all the stories professionally done. Two were exceptional, in my opinion.

If you are looking for an example of a character driven story, study Aliette de Bodard’s The Lonely Heart. Ms Bodard took a character who lived a life that I could never envision, and brought her to life for me. Masterfully done.

Juliette Wade’s The Eminence’s Match was that and so much more. Yes, I was disappointed with the end, but only because I was not ready for it to end. Her characters, seeing what they saw and feeling what they felt, made for a powerful reading experience. If I were granted the honor of nominating one story for a major award (Nebula, Hugo, Campbell), I would be placing The Eminence’s Match on my short list of ones to consider at the end of the year.

Eight Against Reality was a pleasure to read. I give this anthology of virtual unknowns a solid recommendation.

This is the gold award that Frank proudly displays in his home. Emery Huang threw it through his living room window after readingÂFrank’s review of Writers of the Future Vol 25. Frank now plans on reviewing Eugie Foster’s works so he can add a Nebula to his collection.

The Best of The Drabblecast

If you like this “Best of” list, check out my lists for other podcasts.

Strange stories by strange authors for strange listeners (such as yourself). This is the aptly chosen opening tagline for the Drabblecast. Founded and narrated by Norm Sherman, the Drabblecast is an audio showcase of the weird. It doesn’t restrict itself to any particular genre, just so long as it’s weird, so there’s a mix of what could be called science fiction, fantasy, horror, mystery, mainstream, and some stuff that just defies any sort of classification–it’s all welcome on the Drabblecast as long as it’s weird.

Every week Norm provides a whole set of features to entertain and confuse. Every week there’s a feature flash story, approximately 2000 words or less. On top of this there is a weekly drabble (story of exactly 100 words) and a twitfic (story of less than 100 characters). On top of this there is often a Drabble News segment in which he discusses some strange news article like the celebration of Dead Duck Day in the Netherlands. As if that weren’t enough, Norm also includes some music segments written and performed by Norm himself. The most notable of these are the Bbardles–a donation incentive, if you donate a certain amount of money he will write a song in the style of your choice on the topic of your choice and turn it into a funny and entertaining piece of music. These are really fantastic pieces of work.

I don’t mean this as a slight to the other fiction podcasts I frequent, but the Drabblecast is more tuned in to my tastes (both as a reader and a writer) than any other magazine/podcast I’ve come across. It’s actually kind of creepy. I think that Norm has hacked into my mind and has downloaded some kind of insidious spyware tool directly into my brainstem which is both judging and altering my tastes to ensure complete control of my mind. This would make me worried if I weren’t enjoying it so much. So I say “Bring it on, Norm. You may be using unethical mind control techniques to ensure my continued listening, but I don’t mind. Maybe I only like it because your brain-virus is telling me to like it, but that’s okay, because I like it.”

Part of what sets the Drabblecast apart is their audio production. Many of the stories add dramatic music and sound effects at appropriate places. I’m not sure if I like this better than just a straight reading, but it offers some nice variety at the very least and it sounds really good.

By the way, I don’t know if it’s just me, but I haven’t been able to figure out a way to download the audio files directly from Drabblecast’s main site. I can listen to them there, and there’s a hyperlink to sign up for their mp3 feed, but not an actual download option. There is a Drabblecast archive, but it’s not updated as often as the main site. In any case, for my weekly download I’ve been downloading from other sites that re-post the episodes, usually CastRoller.

Without further ado, here is my Best of Drabblecast list. For the purposes of the list, I’ve only included the feature stories in the list. It’s not that I don’t like drabbles or twitfic, but even though I enjoy them, fiction that short doesn’t leave a long-lasting impression because it’s over before I’ve really gotten the story congealing in my brain. So, of all of the Drabblecast’s feature stories to date, these are my favorites:

1. Teddy Bears and Tea Parties by S. Boyd Taylor
Don’t be fooled by the title; this is not a chlidren’s story. Amazing, creepy, disturbing, weird. Teddy bears that bleed grape jelly. ‘Nuff said.

2. Babel Probe by David D. Levine
Time traveling AI visits the Tower of Babel to find the truth of the myth. It’s just as cool as it sounds.

3. Annabelle’s Alphabet by Tim Pratt
Is anyone surprised that Tim Pratt is on the list? This is a great piece of writing. I read this in print a while back and I loved it there too. The story is about a little girl, Annabelle, and it goes through the alphabet letter by letter, tying them into the story. This approach works surprisingly well, and Pratt does a great job of filling in backstory in bits and pieces so that the big picture coalesces smoothly and poetically.

4. Snowman’s Chance in Hell by Robert Jeschonek
This is a very recent one, but I’m glad it aired before I made the list. I love creation stories, especially ones which take a bizarre and irrational take on it all. This is the best one that I’ve ever read.

5. The Wrong Cart by Bruce Holland Rogers (in Doubleheader IV)
A short one, which is part of a Doubleheader special, which has two stories by the same author within the same episode. The other story is relatively good, but The Wrong Cart is a real gem, a perfect example of Drabblecast weirdness. You know how, when people realize that they’ve made a mistake, there’s a tendency to just go with and pretend like there was no mistake? Well, imagine that concept taken to the point of absurdity, and you have this episode.

6. The Fine Point by Gary Cuba
Ooh, existential philosopy of the best sort. The scary part is that these particular ideas have crossed my mind, but I never wrote a story about it, so Gary wins. 🙂

7. The Food Processor by Michael Canfield
A bizarre story, which gets weirder and weirder. Children living with their mother and their never-seen overbearing father. If, early on, you think you know where this story is going, you are wrong.

8. Charlie the Purple Giraffe was Acting Strange by David D. Levine
I never realized this, but it appears that I’m a fan of David D. Levine, since he got two entries in the top 10. This is another one that sounds like a children’s story but isn’t. It’s philosophy in a toon suit.

9. The Society of Eccentric Moustaches by Daniel Lemoal
If the title alone doesn’t make you laugh, then you may be a zombie. Odd facial hair always makes for quality entertainment–especially mustaches with funny names such as the pushbroom, handlebar, or walrus.

10. So You’re Going to Die by Robert Reed
Another very recent one, structured as a sales pitch, a former assassin selling a sort of death insurance. Good stuff.

Honorable Mentions:

Performance Anxiety by Weldon Burge (in Trifecta II)
I’ll let this one speak for itself. Just listen to it, and stick around til the end. It’s worth it, trust me.

Jelly Park by Aliya Whitely
Don’t expect any deep and profound meaning. This is one is cute, and sweet, and has an insanely catchy song.

2084 by Tom Williams
A glimpse of a risk-taker in the future. It’ll have you on the edge of your seat.


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She & Him Concert

So, Heather and I went to a She & Him concert at First Avenue for our 6th wedding anniversary.

“Music?” I hear you say. “WTF? Since when does Diabolical Plots cover music?”

Well, hypothetical questioner, there is a tie-in (however tenuous) to our more typical material, which I’ll explain in a bit, so hold onto your horses. What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?

Anyhoo, if you’re not familiar with She & Him, then you’re missing out. The “She” in the band name is one of my favorite actresses, Zooey Deschanel. She’s been in more and more movies over the last few years, and I just can’t get enough of them. The first movie that I really noticed her in was “Elf”, the only Will Ferrell movie that I like. She really caught my ear in that movie with her “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” duet with Ferrell. She has an amazing voice with crystal clear tones that seem to linger in the air, and a style that I associate more with styles of previous decades, most notably the 1920s. It’s no surprise that other movie directors have taken advantage of her musical talent, so if you want a wider sample, check out “500 Days of Summer”, a great story about love which is not a love story–an amazing movie on many levels. And, of course, her character in the movie “Yes Man” (co-starring Jim Carrey) had her own band called Munchausen by Proxy (best band name ever), in which they had several original and very catchy songs with Zooey as the lead singer. Also, for those of you who are programming geeks like myself, IMDB reports that she is scheduled to play Ada Lovelace (generally considered the person to write the very first computer program) in an upcoming movie.

“So…” you say. “Where’s that tie-in you were talking about?” Okay, okay. Well, Zooey is no stranger to speculative fiction movies. Elf is one, with its Christmas elves and Santa Claus. But, of more traditional SF, she played the role of Trillian in the 2005 movie adaptation of the late, great Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. And she also played DG (the Dorothy Gale analog) in the Sci Fi original Tin Man, one of the few Sci Fi originals that’re worth the time to watch (yes I know they call themselves SyFy but I die a little each time I use their official name). Oz is one of my favorite fictional worlds of all time, and my very first publication (The Utility of Love) was a horror retelling of The Wizard of Oz, so I was delighted to see Zooey in the lead role of the Sci Fi miniseries. I would really love to interview her for Diabolical Plots, and movies like that give me ample excuses to do so (If I didn’t have such excuses, I would still want to do an interview anyway because she is simply awesome). The trouble is, Hollywood people are rather hard to reach, for obvious reasons, and I have no idea how to go about it. So, while I try to figure that out, in the meantime I’m posting this article. If anyone has any ideas about how to initiate such contact, feel free to post a comment. Writers and editors tend to be much easier to find, because their careers depend on self-promotion, getting the news out about their next big book, so most have a Facebook or Livejournal account which can field messages. Actresses are much harder to reach, of course–I have found a Zooey Deschanel on Facebook but I seriously doubt it is the Real McCoy.

So anyway, like I was saying, She & Him has released two CD’s so far, cleverly named Volume One and Volume Two. We picked up Volume One pretty much the moment that we first heard that Zooey had a band, and loved it enough that the purchase of Volume Two was a foregone conclusion. The “Him” of the band’s name is M. Ward, another very worthy talent, who plays guitar for the band and also sings vocals for some of the songs (though not nearly as many as Zooey). The CDs include some familiar songs (like Swing Low, Sweet Chariot) but are mostly original music, generally with a catchy beat, often about love or breakups. My favorite from these two CDs is “I’ll Get Along Without You Now”, a story of a recently ended romance. But my favorite lyric is from “I Thought I Saw Your Face Today”: I somehow see what’s beautiful in things that are ephemeral. The lyrics are well-written, the melodies stick in my head all day, and Zooey’s amazing voice takes these great components and turns them into one marvelous whole.

Back to the concert. Unfortunately, Heather had to work late that day, so we weren’t in line at the door when they opened up. This is a bit of a pain at First Ave because there are only a few actual seats (which we were way too late for), the rest is standing room. So we had to stand, though we found a place where we had a decent vantage point.

The opening band was The Chapin Sisters, a duo who were working double-duty as She & Him’s backup singers. They were… okay. We like their backup singing, (to the extent that Heather’s considering a complete career change to audition for a position as back-up singer for She & Him), but they didn’t wow me as their own group. I think this was largely due to two factors:
1. The sound levels weren’t very well adjusted for this portion of the concert. As a result, one of the two sisters was so loud that she was both borderline painful to the ears and also nearly impossible to understand.
2. Of the lyrics that I could understand, the songs didn’t really catch my interest that much. The one that I do remember involved sitting in the dusty branches of a palm tree, which didn’t really make sense and simultaneously wasn’t an intriguing fiction.

Often I complain when bands talk too much, to the point that they just seem more interested in ranting and pushing their own agendas–usually long monologues about the general desirability of living in a constant muddled drug haze. Or, in the case of Rufus Wainwright, long long inflammatory political rants, occasionally interrupted by him “performing” his music, which he both managed to forget the words to, and also sang quite off key.

She & Him was on the opposite end of the spectrum, to the point that they barely spoke at all, generally flowing from one song into the next without a pause for breath. They stopped two or three times just for a moment to ask how we were doing and to let us know they were having a good time, once for Zooey to ask people to turn off the flashes on their camera, and once to ask one particularly obstinate individual to PLEASE turn his flash off who didn’t listen the first time. They introduced the band members only at the very end, with simply a listing of their names and no further elaboration.  The upside of this is that there was a lot of music packed into not much time. The downside was that I would’ve actually liked to hear them talk about themselves, to hear some more from Zooey, and to hear anything at all about M. Ward about whom I know almost nothing. He is Ferb to Zooey’s Phineas, almost entirely silent to the other half of the more vocal duo (if you don’t get that reference you need to watch more cartoons).

They were fun to watch, and they performed everything very closely to how it sounds on the album, which is always a plus for those who, like me, like to sing along. I have no complaints about the concert, they provided a great night of music. Check out their CDs and catch their concert the next time they come through town.

Storygasm Results!

written by Nathaniel Lee

Here are the stories resulting from the Storygasm event in rough chronological order of prompts received. Feel free to take yours and post it elsewhere or link directly to this page. Thanks for contributing!

Prompt – “Lonely Cowbots” by Damon Shaw

Initially, CP0012 ignored it when CP0013 arrived with a Stetson perched on his heat sink. CP0012’s programming contained very few instructions about non-bovine topics. The following day, however, CP0013 began broadcasting sounds and disturbing the herd:

“>10 N=BOTTLESBEER
>20 N=100
>30 PRINT N-1
>40 IF N>0 GOTO 20”

CP0012 opened a communications channel. “Query: Justification for broadcast.”

“Answer: I’m a cowboy! Howdy-howdy-howdy!”

CP0012 filed a repair request and returned to watching cows. Insofar as CP0012 felt anything, he liked cows. Cows were predictable.

In the distance, CP0013 emitted the first sounds of a synthesized harmonica. CP0012 shut down his microphone.

Prompt – “Lost Hearts” by David Longhorn

She answered the door on the fourth ring.

“I want it back,” I said.

She shrugged one delicate shoulder and turned away, leaving the door ajar. I stepped inside. Racks of cages lined the hallway, full of hearts. They were limp, despondent things, gazing out at her with hopeless longing. Three more, a bit better groomed, lurked nervously on the couch. She shoved them aside and seated herself.

“I don’t have it,” she said, crossing her legs.

“You†how?”

She shrugged again. “It got lost. You should take better care of your heart if you don’t want it getting lost.”

Prompt – “Buridan’s Ass” by Loren Eaton

The first thing I saw when I walked into the Philosophy department was Buridan’s naked ass.

“Buridan!” I shouted, covering my eyes. “What-? Are you†floating?”

Buridan rotated towards me, and I felt an odd pressure, as though I were suddenly under ten feet of water. Buridan drifted further away. “I have achieved enlightenment, of a sort,” he said. “Recall the donkey and the hay.”

“The free-will proof?”

“He was trapped between desirables. I, in contrast, loathe everything equally. Thus, I am suspended.”

“Department meeting starts in ten minutes.”

Buridan sighed. “Help me down. I need to find my pants.”

Prompt – “The Relativity of Relativity” by Matt Kempke

“Family Reunion!” the banner proclaimed. White puffs of hair and bristling mustaches bobbed around the pavilion.

“Have you met Cousin Bernie?” Meredith gushed, leading her charge over to the grill. “He’s discovered the reason hot dogs come in tens but buns only in eights.”

“Howdy!” Bernie waved his tongs.

“And here Uncle Cal. He’s discovered the relationship between sound and intelligence. How does it go, Cal? The quieter you are, the smarter you seem?”

Cal nodded solemnly.

“And me, well, this here is my final experiment. A=N^f~1.” Meredith smiled. “As the number of family members increases, personal aggravation approaches one.”

Prompt – “I’m Not Telling You Twice” by Jim Murdoch

“Matthew Roderick Johannson, get down here this instant!” Mom called from downstairs.

“Jeez, Mom. You don’t have to tell me twice.” Matt paused his game.

“I’m not telling you twice,” said Mom from the doorway.

“Oh,” said Matt. “Sorry, Mom1. I thought you were Mom3.” He squinted until the quantum phantasms merged back into a unified Mom, or at least a Mom-shaped cloud representing the current most likely Mom.

“Those games are terrible for your ability to focus. What if you’d slipped into the wrong stream completely?”

“Mom!” Matt rolled his eyes. “The chances of that are like mathematically zero.”

Prompt – “Walrus Planet” by Sam

They gathered in thousands on the vast ice floes. Along the edges, there was a constant transition as hungry individuals slipped into the chill waters while others hooked their tusks into the ice to heave their sated bulks out of the water and rest.

In the distance, off to the south, there were flashes of light, like a sporadic Aurora. Then, a rumble as of far-off thunder. Several whiskery heads lifted curiously, but when nothing further presented itself, they returned to the business of sleeping and digesting.

Another walrus slipped into the water. The southern sky slowly darkened to night.

Prompt – “Oh my god, this wasn’t a dream†it was all real.” by Joey Jordan

“I had such a bad dream,” said Remy. He leapt into the air and spun lazily in a circle, petting the barking dog-tree for comfort. “My house wasn’t endless, and I went outside to go to work, only I couldn’t fly. Then, in the car, the radio just played music and no one appeared or disappeared. I had to drive the whole time. I didn’t skip ahead at all.”

“Sounds unpleasant,” agreed the leprechaun.

“Then I went to get a haircut, and, Remy paused, his hand drifting to his neck. Cool air brushed the freshly shorn skin. “Oh my God,

Prompt – “What kinda person walks around in a yellow hooded cloak? It’s not like it would hide you from anyone.” by Joey Jordan, who apparently didn’t read the rules very closely

Chuck’s finger tightened on the trigger when he spotted the bright yellow figure. He pushed through the foliage.

“Hey,” he hissed. “What are you doing in a yellow cloak? Why are you wearing that?”

The man gave Chuck a quizzical glance. “Because it’s raining out,” he said, gesturing at the sweltering, sunlit treetops with his briefcase. Chuck saw wingtips poking out beneath the rain-slicker. “I’m not getting soaked waiting for the bus.”

Chuck looked for the rest of his squad. When he turned back, the small clearing was empty, save for a distant growling engine and the smell of diesel.

Prompt – “Bargain Messiah” by David Steffen

“There,” Jeezie said. “That’s the best I can do.” Sweat poured from his forehead and soaked his ragged beard as he handed over the cup.

Mary sipped and grimaced. “Cherry Kool-Aid,” she said. “Unsweetened.”

“Sugar is really hard,” said Jeezie, somewhat defensively.

“What about walking on water?”

“Sure!” Jeezie brightened. “I need a vat and a bunch of corn starch. I saw it on Mythbusters.”

Mary sighed. “Salvation?”

“Well†I do know how you can save money on car insurance.”

“Forget it,” said Mary. “Mom was right. Splurge on major purchases and only use the bargain bin for little stuff.”

Prompt – “Axe of Kindness” by Gary Cuba

“Here.”

“No ‘thank you’?” said Leon.

The barista glanced over Leon’s shoulder and paled. “T-t-thanks,” she stammered.

“You’re welcome.” Leon tucked a dollar in the tip jar. “See? Kindness pays.” He walked out with Throckdar in tow. Immediately, they spotted the traffic cop leaving a ticket on Leon’s car.

“Oh, really!” said Leon. “I’m only thirty seconds late.”

Throckdar hefted his axe significantly.

The cop swallowed. “I’ll just tear this up.”

Leon and Throckdar settled into the car, the suspension groaning. “So how’d you get stuck with this, anyway?” Leon asked.

Throckdar shrugged. “Community service. Goblin king had good lawyer.”

Prompt: “The last man on earth sits in his living room. SUDDENLY he
finds his mailbox full of bills” by Sebastian Kempke

Mortimer opened his mailbox. ÂBills, bills, ads, and bills. Automatically generated, computer-printed, sent in pre-paid envelopes through the mechanized mail system. ÂUntouched by human hands from the moment they were printed until the robotic delivery trucks shunted them into Mort’s mail slot. ÂHe handled them carefully, as though they might explode.

“Occupant, current resident…” Mortimer slit the envelopes open and read each word aloud. ÂNobody heard him, of course. ÂHe might be the only person left. ÂOther than the robots, of course.

“Here’s one with my name on it,” Mort told the cleaning bot. ÂIt whirred and trundled blithely on.

Nathaniel Lee is an amateur wordsmith with delusions of grandeur. He’s been writing stories since the second grade, but as yet has not found anyone willing to pay for them. ÂHe maintains a daily writing blog at Mirrorshards.org, and several of those stories have winkled their way onto the Drabblecast (Episodes 154, 156, and 158). Nathan and his wife keep two cats, Ozymandius and Belshazzar, and they spend most of their free time staring into glowing screens of one sort or another. ÂNathan is also an avid board gamer and roleplayer who suffers from a chronic lack of willing participants.

Another Perspective on How to Write a Rejection Slip

written by David Steffen

Two weeks ago we posted the article How to Write a Rejection Slip by Christopher Miller, which sparked quite a bit of interesting discussions here, on Facebook, and on blog sites that linked to us. Some agreed, some didn’t, and a good time was had by all talking about what we really like or don’t like to see in a rejection slip.

As a counterpoint to Christopher’s list, I thought I’d post a list of my own. My list is quite different from Christopher’s, though there is some overlap. If anyone reading this has a different list, feel free to post it in the comments, or if you have a list on your blog to post a link to the list.

1. Write personal rejections, if possible.

Of the 289 rejections I’ve received to date, less than a third have been personalized. I always appreciate a personal response. It’s just nice to know sometimes that somebody actually bothered to read my story, and didn’t reject it out of hand because of my lack of Name Fame. Some markets seem to publish only the relatively famous, even when those stories are quite low quality (in my opinion) so it’s hard not to surmise that some of them just disregard newcomers completely.

Even if you don’t have time to write a personal rejection for every submission, there are ways to make your form letters more informative. For example:

-Use a tiered form letter system, which has different wording for different levels of success. Fantasy & Science Fiction uses this to great success. “Didn’t grab my interest” means that the slush reader didn’t finish reading it–you may want to work on the beginning to make it more compelling. “Didn’t quite work for me” means that they finished reading, but in the end it just wasn’t good enough for them. “Not right for F&SF” means that they acknowledge that it’s a good story, but it just doesn’t fit their magazine’s style.

-Create a form letter with checkboxes listing reasons why the story was rejected. Dreams of Decadence has a really nice rejection slip of this type. My last rejection from them had two boxes checked: “Plot is weak or nonexistent” and “Please try us again with something else.” In addition, there was a handwritten addition which said “Loved the concept, but moves too slowly.” Since it had a personal note, it’s not really a form rejection anymore, but even without the note, the content of this form letter would have been one of the nicer ones I’ve received. It gave me a specific reason why they didn’t buy it. Not only does this help me consider whether to revise the story, but it helps me focus my future submissions to their magazine. Apparently they prefer a story that develops more quickly than that, and I will now keep that in mind.

2. If possible, give constructive feedback or sincere compliments.

Constructive feedback is always useful. I may not revise a story based on such feedback, but it’s important for me to know why people didn’t like it. Feedback is the most useful if it points to something specific. Examples are:
-The beginning was too slow.
-The protagonist made an important decision that seemed out of character.
-The ending didn’t make sense.

With or without constructive feedback, if you have a sincere compliment about the story do not hesitate to share it with the writer. I’ve had about a 2% acceptance rate for my submissions in the last year, and it tells me that this is higher than average for users who submitted to the same markets as me. It’s not unusual to have hundreds of rejections per acceptance, particularly for those who have yet to establish Name Fame. My first acceptance occurred after 125 uninterrupted rejections. This can take a real toll on the self esteem, making one wonder if you’ll ever make that sale. If even a few of these rejections are complimentary in some specific way, it can really help balance out unending flow of bad news. As an example, that Dreams of Decadence rejection I mentioned in #1 was really quite easy to take. “Loved the concept” says I’m doing something right, and that really means something

3. Don’t be an ass (but don’t lie either)

This should go without saying, but abusive wording gains you nothing. I’ve rarely had this complaint about any editor, but it’s still worth listing. Keep in mind that, even if you didn’t like this story, this writer might send you another story that you do like in the future. This could be a future collaborator. But if you act like an asshole, then they may stop submitting to you. They may encourage other writers not to submit to you, because you’re a jerk. And all because you didn’t take a moment to construct a civil email.

I’m not saying you have to lie. Don’t say “We enjoyed your story” or anything of that variety, unless you mean it.

The closest I’ve come to this complaint is a rejection which said, in its entirety, “Sorry, no.” To me, this was too curt, and in this case I would’ve preferred a stock form letter which used complete sentences and the usual meaningless phrasing.

4. Even if it’s a form letter, at least personalize a couple things.

The first rejection I ever received was a grainy photocopy of an undated standard form letter, “Dear Author”, “Signed, the Editors”. Okay, I know that editorial staff are busy, but that seems a little extreme. I’ve even received some email rejections which don’t even refer to the story name, but just say “Regarding your recent submission.” This email form letter could be populated automatically with a minimum of effort, so this annoys me every time I see it.

First, it should absolutely always have the name of the editor/slushreader who rejected it. Your typical magazine is not going to change editors that often, so it’s a minimal effort to just put their name in the form letter. Omission of this goes beyond mere laziness–it makes me think that the editor is afraid that he will be associated with his own rejections. What are you afraid of? As an editor, you have to make editorial choices, and if you want to be successful you have to stand by those choices. If you’re too scared to put your own name on the rejection, it gives the impression that you’d rather stay anonymous, and makes me wonder if this person has the intestinal fortitude required to be a competent editor. If it was rejected by a slush reader, I really think that the slush readers name should be on it, not the editor. Some magazines put the editors name on it even if it was a slushreader doing the reading, but I prefer to be able to tell if I made it to the real editor or not, and this misleading signature obscures this information from me.

In addition to the rejecter’s name, it’s really nice if it can have the following:
-Date
-Name of Author
-Name of Story

This really doesn’t take much effort, and in the case of email rejections, most of it can be completely automated, so there’s really no excuse. If the editorial staff can’t be bothered to refer to me or my story by name, it gives the impression that they’re just apathetic about the writers sending in their life’s work.

5. The longer the wait, the more annoying a form letter is.

I recently received a form rejection for a short story after nine months of waiting–that is the pinnacle of lameness. It’s bad enough that the amount of time was equivalent to the gestation period of a human fetus, they couldn’t even bother taking five minutes to write something about the story. On the other hand, I usually get form rejections from Clarkesworld, but they’ve also never taken longer than three days to send me a rejection, so I have no complaints about receiving a form rejection from them.

As a rule of thumb, I’d say that any market that takes more than 3 months to respond should be sending 100% personal responses.

6. Don’t say “Keep writing!”

Never. Just don’t do it. It will always come off as condescending. We appreciate the attempted encouragement, but it comes off as condescending every time. Whenever I read this, I picture a parent picking up their kid after his peewee team loses the big game. “Chin up, sport. You did your best and that’s all that counts. I know what will cheer you up! Consolation cake!” For those who would stop writing because of a single rejection, well, two words isn’t going to change their course. For those who wouldn’t stop writing because of that, it gets really annoying to read this over and over.

7. Don’t write an all-purpose form letter that says “we enjoyed it”

I love to see this sentiment expressed in a personal rejection. In a form letter it is CLEARLY insincere because it’s a friggin’ form letter!

8. Needlessly obtuse sentence structure

These people are supposed to be editors, right? So I’d like to think that they can put words in some kind of coherent and parsable order. Adding more words doesn’t help unless the words add meaning. Things like: “We regret to have to inform you that we are declining acceptance at this time.”
-The regret is clearly insincere, because it’s a form letter that they send to everyone.
-According to their wording, they don’t regret rejecting you. They don’t regret informing you of your rejection. But they DO regret the fact that they feel obligated to inform you of your rejection.
-“Declining acceptance”? Who the hell wrote that? That rings of Captain Barbossa’s “I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request” except this is apparently NOT trying to be funny.

9. Do NOT spam those who submit to you

Pedestal Magazine, this means you. Whenever I submit a story through Pedestal’s submissions form, about a minute later I get an email welcoming me to their mailing list, and thanking me for signing up for it. There’s no way to uncheck a box that will opt out of this form letter when you submit. And thereafter I get periodic emails from John Amen (who I don’t really care about) telling me of his upcoming book signings (in states I’ve never visited) and telling me about upcoming books (that I will not be buying). Luckily, I can just add this to my “spam” list–the story rejection comes from a different address than the spam. But even so, not spamming your submitters should be common sense.

Storygasm: A Deluge of Drabble

written by Nathaniel Lee

DEADLINE EXTENDED TO MAY 31ST! GET YOUR TRIGGER IN!

I am pleased to be featured here on Diabolical Plots, and equally pleased to offer a bit of entertainment for you nice people. Here’s how it works: you give me a prompt, and I’ll turn it into a drabble, a 100-word story for you. The best approach, speaking from personal experience, is to keep the prompt between two and five words long, and to avoid getting too specific. For example, something like “werewolf shampoo” can lead all sorts of directions and gives me something to work with. “A depressed angel commits suicide” nails it down a bit too much; it’s not a horrid prompt, but I don’t have a lot of room to embroider. “Dave the fat clown gets chased and eaten by an alligator” is no fun at all to write, because it’s already got everything in it. To participate, just post your prompt within the next 48 hours (ending 6am central on Wednesday). The resulting drabbles will be posted here on Diabolical Plots for your entertainment.

For a few examples of my drabbles, check out Mirrorshards, where I post a daily drabble. A couple examples: Bag Full of Name, and The Kraken Awakens.

I started Mirrorshards in November of 2008 as a writing exercise. There were several factors; a lack of energy to work on long-term projects, a desire for daily writing practice, and a niggling concern about my consistent failure to maintain any sort of personal journal or blog for any length of time. I remembered reading about a poet who wrote a limerick every day because the strict limits of the form gave him the literary equivalent of a quick morning exercise routine. I thought I’d try for a similar structure in prose. I did some quick research on short-shorts and nanofiction, and I eventually settled on 100 words as a nice round number that wasn’t too short and wasn’t too long. Since then, I have written over 54,000 words, one day and one story at a time. It’s far from the only writing I do, but it’s important to me to maintain that continuity. I pretty quickly migrated to Blogger, and a few months ago I registered a custom domain name. Everything at the site is under a Creative Commons license (Derivative works welcome for non-commercial purposes and with attribution.)

Nathaniel Lee is an amateur wordsmith with delusions of grandeur. He’s been writing stories since the second grade, but as yet has not found anyone willing to pay for them. ÂHe maintains a daily writing blog at Mirrorshards.org, and several of those stories have winkled their way onto the Drabblecast (Episodes 154, 156, and 158). Nathan and his wife keep two cats, Ozymandius and Belshazzar, and they spend most of their free time staring into glowing screens of one sort or another. ÂNathan is also an avid board gamer and roleplayer who suffers from a chronic lack of willing participants.

How to Write a Rejection Slip

written by Christopher Miller

With publishing’s gatekeepers now comprising the bulk of short fictions’ readership, I think it reasonable to say that for every story read at least one rejection slip is also read. The rare instances in which writers’ stories are not rejected and to some degree published and possibly read by others are offset by writers’ publishing their rejection slips on public blogs and forums and disseminating them in emails. Similarly, publishers’ returning the same rejection slip to many writers is offset by writers submitting the same story to many publishers. So even ignoring that rejection slips, unlike the stories that inspired them, are almost always read in their entirety, taken to heart and remembered, it all more than cancels out. Ergo rejection slips are the most widely and attentively read short literary genre.

And while there’s a humongous amount of material available on how to write good short stories and also a lot of information on reading (i.e. coping with) rejection slips,which may be summarized as 1) consider that you might be a shitty writer who will improve, 2) consider that the rejecter is an imbecile and/or pandering to an imbecilic demographic, and 3) don’t include return postage on your SASE, or, in the case of email submissions, flag the “sent to” address as spam,nowhere (in my full minute of research) did I find anything on writing good rejection slips. So, as always and without further ado, here are my rules:

1. Never write “keep writing” in a rejection slip. This is particularly irksome as the slip’s closing sentiment and even more so when followed by an exclamation mark. Your reader is already disappointed and doesn’t need the implication that your passing on the piece might constitute a reason to stop writing. In other words, this generic and ingenuous “chin up” just makes readers want to punch you in the face. It is beyond your rejection slip’s scope to provide personal or career counseling.

2. Never critique work you are rejecting. It just makes you look stupid, even when you’re right, which usually you are not. It is beyond your rejection slip’s scope to teach creative writing.

3. Never say a piece is “not right” for you. This rule may be excepted if you actually really did like the submission but have had all your creative joie de vivre and artistic license crushed out of you by having to cater to the dreary formula upon which your publication is based and you can convey this in some credible way. Similarly, unless you can say who, do not point out that someone else might like it. The reader would not have sent you the piece if they didn’t like it. The same rules of concision that apply to all writing apply to rejection slips. Be specific. Avoid stating the obvious.

4. Never chirp how you “enjoyed the read.” You have just injured your reader. “I dozed off while reading your submission and chipped a tooth on my coffee mug” might be more uplifting.

5. Never metaphorically equate a piece’s acceptance with its finding “a home.” The story you are rejecting is not some derelict bumming spare change, eating out of dumpsters and sleeping on benches and grates. Particularly offensive and almost as bad as “Keep writing!” is “Good luck finding a home for it!” Really you should avoid bestowing any sort of hope, wish or prayer for success on your reader. What you need to keep in mind is that, no matter how you sugarcoat them, rejection slips hurt. And so, if only briefly, your reader is your enemy, and doesn’t want your gloating condescension.

6. Avoid saying you hope the author will submit more of their work in the future, even if you really do. This is a toughie, I know. But if you really like the piece that much, then ask if you can hold onto it in the hopes a slot opens up. Or send a follow-up invitation. Most times, if you solicit work from an author, he will comply. But consider that your reader is reading in a temporarily bummed out state. His best efforts have just been found wanting. Even ephemeral depression twists all emotions into negative forms. So, instead of interested, you just sound greedy. And instead of uplifted, your reader just feels used, like you’ve walked up to his promotional free-sample display in the supermarket where he works weekends on commission, and, after gobbling down all his carefully prepared little sausages, crackers, cheeses, dips or whatever, exclaimed how delicious they were, burped and asked when more will be available.

7. Conversely, do not be afraid to write things like, “We would appreciate if you didn’t submit any more of your work to us,” or “We only barely read the first paragraph,” or “We receive thousands of submissions each month and yours was second worst!” Honesty is always the best policy. Writers can smell bullshit like weed at a concert. A miss is as good as a mile.

Born in Switzerland, raised in Chicago, mostly Canadian now. ÂRestaurateur, software developer. Loves writing all genres,sci-fi to literary, horror to erotica. E.g.:ÂÂGanymede Dreams (a.k.a. Ganymede’s Song) ;ÂTake Our kids to Work Day;ÂA Hawk Circling the Wind ;ÂAdam and Eve Reading (almost) Quietly in the Bathroom

Stumptown Comics Fest 2010

Stumptown Comics Fest 2010

Each convention has it’s own personality, just like how every city has it’s own personality. Stumptown Comics Fest has one of the best personalities of all the conventions I have attended. It has a very do-it-yourself feel to the entire convention, with a strong feeling of optimism. Most of the artists and storytellers are self employed, or a part of a small artist collective. In fact, most of the tables are webcomics.

The indie attitude of the convention tends to attract many upcoming artists, and is an excellent place to find new things to read. It is also good for artists and writers as much of the focus of the convention is networking, and educating. The Comic Book Legal Defense Fund has a large table to help creative minds navigate the labyrinth of copyright and legal rules. Many panels are dedicated to helping them understand how to get their works published, or how to self-publish. The largest mainstream comic presence would be from Dark Horse and Oni Press; both of which love and encourage indie comics.

One of the things I like best about Stumptown Comics Fest is the art. At every convention there is plenty of loot to buy. But at Stumptown most of the loot is in the form of beautiful art. There are of course tons of comic books to be had, and in most cases they are being sold by the actual artists and writers who will gladly sign them for you.

Overall I would say that Stumptown has a much more personal feel to it than most other comic conventions. As a fan you get to actually meet the artists, and talk with them. I had the opportunity to talk to Kel McDonald about her plans for her stories (http://www.sorcery101.net/). Aaron Diaz told me about how he prefers to stand while he draws on his computer, much like how classical artists would with their paintings (http://dresdencodak.com/). Jason Janicki and Leigh Kellogg let me in on bits of their plans for their new update schedule (http://www.wayfarersmoon.com/). Dylan Meconis told us how much she likes the Heifer International and that her favorite picture is the llama wearing socks (http://www.dylanmeconis.com/). Angela Melick recounted the woes of apartment renovations (http://www.wastedtalent.ca/). These personal interactions are the ones that make a fan love the work even more, because then not only do they like the art and story, but they also like the creators.

Blue was born with a keyboard and an Atari 2600 joystick in his hands. He enjoys telling longwinded stories, art, video games, programming, and especially loves when they overlap. He is a geek-of-all-trades with a dabbling in everything geek related without any particular focus.
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Bull Spec #1 Review

written by Frank Dutkiewicz

Bull Spec is the newest pro-paying magazine to hit the speculative fiction bookstore shelves. It is the brainchild of Durham, North Carolina’s favorite son, Samuel Montgomery-Blinn. Sam has an ambitious plan for his magazine; display the best North Carolina has to offer, showcase all that is new and relevant in the world of speculative fiction, and become the next SFWA qualifying magazine.

Sam was kind enough to send me his first copy to find out what I thought. At 72 pages, there wasn’t a shortage of things for me to comment on.

Rise Up by C S Fuqua

Life took a turn for the better the day Bobby walked into Sharps & Flats. Not only did he find a jewel of a music store but he also found Wynne, the love of his life and missing piece to his band. True, the old lady who owned the store was a bit odd, speaking nonsense on how music had power and was a conduit to the spirit world, but she did know her music. With Wynne’s help, Bobby’s band found new heights. A drive to meet a record executive brought it all to halt.

When he pulled Wynne’s lifeless body from the twisted car, Bobby thought his world just ended. The old lady said he had the power in him, a power over life and death. Bobby had no idea that the line between life and death wouldn’t be so clear.

C S Fuqua employed a tactic that I am finding more common these days. Open your story with the most dramatic part of your story then flashback to show the events that led up to it, risky and difficult to pull off. It almost didn’t work, almost.

Rise Up opened with a car crash (which was done well). After the dynamic opening, half of the story became a build up to the crash. The flashback, I thought, was slow developing and my interest waned. The story had a familiar tone to it and I believed I could see where it was heading from a mile away. Mr. Fuqua proved that I wasn’t a bright as I thought I was.

Good horror (which is what I believe this is) isn’t about gore but about the unexpected, and I admit I didn’t expect where Rise Up ended up. C S Fuqua is a master of prose. I found his writing crisp, filled with details that make a story come to life. But for my tastes, Rise Up wasn’t all that grand. The characters weren’t all that interesting and their story wasn’t that deep. For a large section I found the story dull and wondered if the payoff for sticking with it would be worth it. I am happy to say it was.

Rise Up is a solid but thin story. The writing is worthy of a professional publication. Not too bad for an opening to the magazines first publication.

Almost A Good Day To Go Outside by Peter Wood

Ricardo has brought home the latest fad for his family to enjoy, a TV. Just in time to catch the 1950’s programming that is just now reaching the terraforming colonist. The TV is a distraction for Ricardo’s cabin-fevered family. The entire population of the colony is confined into a single mammoth structure called the hive. The terraforming is taking longer than anticipated and depression is setting in. Daily routine with no place to go is having an adverse effect, one that is tearing Ricardo’s family apart.

Imagine working in a large factory, raising your family inside its walls, and never being able to leave. Peter Wood effectively showed a small slice of such a problem. In Almost A Good Day To Go Outside we also see the flipside of the problem. On a planet light-years from Earth, workers can’t be replaced, no matter how badly they do their jobs.

Almost A Good Day To Go Outside is a good Sci-Fi story. I liked the dilemma presented and the solution at the end. It was an idea I’d imagine the great writers of the 70’s would think of, yet would be still relevant today. Although I thought the story lacked a depth of detail and settings that C S Fuqua so eloquently provided, it had a quick pace with characters I could relate to.

I enjoyed reading this one.

Doctor Adderson’s Lens by Natania Barron
(reprinted from Gatehouse Gazette)

It was not unusual for Dellacarta to be summoned by her employer, Dr Adderson, even if it was by her reanimated zombie brother, Anton. She is used to the unusual and strange as an aide to the brilliant doctor, or she thought she was. One look through his latest invention, a monocle that grants sight of an unseen realm, and she realized that there is more to fear than an undead brother.

I classify this one as something that came out of left field. Steampunk stories can be strange but Doctor Adderson’s Lens has to be one of the oddest stories that I have ever read. Ms Barron effectively made reanimated corpses as servants seem normal. The unseen bird/parasites were an abrupt turn in an odd piece. The style of writing a story as a past tense recollection I found distracting.

Doctor Adderson’s Lens is not my type of story but I can see how many would love it. I found the plot a bit compressed but it did amuse me.

A Gathering of Doorways by Michael Jasper
(novel excerpt)

We get a glimpse of Mr. Jasper’s prologue and first chapter in his latest novel. The prologue is a recollection of dream Gil has of a place called the ‘Undercity’. We learn of his wife plus one family, and a real life problem with polluted water on their farm. Much of the prologue is devoted to his dream of the Undercity, which looks like any old, normal city, but for reasons unknown, the dream keeps him awake most nights.

In the first chapter, Gil is looking for his recently missing son, Noah. He is joined in the search by his neighbor Ray and his dog. Both men are disabled and there is an underlying fear of the forest that young Noah has wandered into.

I found the prologue to be unclear. It didn’t build a curiosity about Gil, his problem, or about the mysterious ‘Undercity’. The first chapter was more relevant but the flashback, which couldn’t have been more than a few minutes before the opening dilemma, and the unexplained mysteries of the forest, polluted water, and Undercity, left me more lost than intrigued. Gil’s bad hip, judgmental wife, and dark reference to a shovel and a squatter, wasn’t enough for me to want to know more.

When shopping for a novel, I like to read a sample of the book, especially when the author is new to me. The sample Bull Spec provided should be a perfect length to draw a conclusion. May I suggested to future authors, that take advantage of the mutually beneficial service, that you need not present the beginning of the novel, just an early portion. I suspect a better scene to hook potential readers could be found in a later chapter for A Gathering of Doorways.

The excerpt should be enough for readers to get a feel for Mr. Jaspers writing. Not for me, but judging by the reviews that he had for the entire novel, I’m sure more than a few readers will want a closer look.

Closed System Part One: The Author of Time by Mike Gallagher
(comic strip)

The hero of Mr. Gallagher’s work is Cambridge University’s chosen time traveler. He is traveling back in his flying ape-headed time machine to ‘document false historical facts’ as one of his tasks, which he finds many of, as well as few faux pas the got by the author (potatoes in the middle ages, George Washington at the signing of the Declaration of Independence).

The art of the strip is done well, and the story he created is fitting for a comic strip. I am sure a few readers would be interested in the ongoing adventures of the traveler.

D Harlan Wilson an interview and review of his works.

Huh?

It was the first word a writer used in his review of Wilson’s novel Peckinpah, and a word that summed up my thoughts of the first half of Bull Spec’s interview with Mr. Wilson.

In Sam Montgomery-Blinn’s in depth interview, we learn that his latest novel has been long-listed for a Bram Stroker award, that he has sold many other works of fiction, is regarded as a respected literary critic and analyst, has a masters in SF studies (who knew that existed), and has a PH.D devoted to a genre that he admits ‘â€academia still consider(s) (SF literature and scholarships) as trash, detritus of the literary ghetto‒

Quite an impressive resume, which proves the point that just because I never heard of him, doesn’t mean he isn’t important.

In Mr. Blinn’s lengthy review of D Harlan’s Technologized Desire: Selfhood and the Body in Postcapitalist Science Fiction we get a glimpse of his critiquing talents as well as his opinions on the direction of Science Fiction as well as how it relates to the attitudes of today’s society. Mr. Blinn’s sums up D Harlan’s theme with his quote “the universe of consumer-capitalism is an illusory prison from which there is no escape,despite the fact that it is illusory” and delves deeper into his description of Sci-Fi’s tendencies toward “technocapitalist” futures, a dark and dreary existence for man, one where “free will is fiction”.

In J. David Osbourne’s review of Mr. Wilson’s Peckinpah: An Ultraviolent Romance, we get a view of D Harlan’s fictional prowess. By Mr. Osbourne’s brief analysis, the novel sounds every bit as bloody as the title suggests. J. David summarizes it to be a “â€satirical meta mash up of microfiction and microcriticism into something that maybe resembles a novel,

Both reviewers thought highly of the novels, as did the editors of D Harlan Wilson in the interview. They know him better than I, but unfortunately (like most first time readers to Bull Spec) I base all my impressions on what I have read in these few pages.

Mr. Wilson comes off as a bright but bitter man. He sounds as ostentatious as his lengthy book titles, and as sure of his opinions as the blunt messages in them (the titles). Of course, good critics aren’t afraid to share their opinions, and D Harlan is all too happy to share what he thinks.

He used his boyhood town of Celina, OH as a template for his fictional novel, a place he admitted he “hated’. He sums up his time at Michigan State University as a “sh*t experience” while earning his PH.D, describing the program as “â€full of glitches ranging from structural disorderliness to crummy and/or meatheaded faculty.” The critic Mr. Wilson also commented on his contemporary, Stephen King. Admitting that he respected him — not for his writing, but for the fact he got rich writing it.

D Harlan’s dour outlook on society and mankind’s fate really comes through on his criticisms of Science Fiction over the past few decades, especially in the art of film. He focuses on the darkest of works, choosing to stick with the Blade Runner blueprint of a dire future, one’s that examine the depressing eventualities where technology and human physiology merge in a parasitic relationship (and it’s unsure which is the parasite). He concludes the evolution of SF and mankind’s fate is likely to head toward a future of “no choice but to live as a technopathological extension of the machine.” Mr. Wilson comes to these conclusions by saying capitalistic technologies shape SF ‘for “unrelenting socioeconomic ends” in an increasingly violent, self-perpetuating cycle of production and consumption.’

While reading Sam’s interview and the two reviews of D Harlan’s fictional work and analytical critique, I couldn’t help to think ‘this guy is overeducated and probably hasn’t held a real job in his life’. Noticing how he used the word ‘capitalism’ as if it were a curse word only solidified my first impression. Mr. Wilson’s bases his conclusions on an assumption of capitalistic societies are evil and counter productive to mankind, as an accepted universal truth.

Mr. Wilson furthers his conclusions of Science Fiction reflecting the cynical nature of man eventual demise through a symbiotic relationship with technology, fueled by a capitalistic engine, by examining the darkest of SF works such as A Clockwork Orange, Fire on the Mountain, and Army of Darkness. While looking on how a world would come about in the Matrix trilogy.

His works of fiction also reflect his cynical attitudes. He is proud of his works but finds them difficult to classify, describing his style as “creative freedom in narrative catastrophe,albeit catastrophe with order and purpose.” His latest accomplishments are of trilogy he calls “Scikungfi” (good grief), a story of a time jumping man that knows kung fu. His Peckinpah novel is filled with what the reviewer described as “hyperviolence”. His novels follow the same path as the ones he gravitates to in his critical analysis, reflecting the worst of human nature. All of which makes for some very depressing reading, which brings me to my own theory on how a bright mind could have such a bleak outlook and reflect it in his writings and criticisms.

D Harlan Wilson admitted he didn’t discover Science Fiction until his early twenties, when he was already hip deep in academic studies at a high-pressured Masters program. That time of life is usually the most cynical in a person’s life. The world seems to be against you and people in power appear to be interested in their own ends instead of working toward the good of the people. Most Sci-Fi and fantasy genre fans first discover the genre at an earlier age, mid to early teens. It is a time when the world looks bright; full of hope and opportunity. Most readers look for the type of entertainment that fits their ideal outlook. What you first fall in love with is what tends to stick with you.

It is the reason why the Star Trek phenomenon has such legs (a fictional work Mr. Wilson ignored). It is an idealistic future, one that shows a promising future without limits. Most works of SF I read followed this theme. Granted, I don’t read as much SF novels as I used to, but most of the mountain of short stories I’ve sample over the past couple of years has stayed true to this future of hope.

D Harlan Wilson may be correct of the future of SF and mankind but I tend to doubt it. Humans are not inheritably evil beings that are after their own narrow interests, nor are they sheep that will accept techno-attachments so willingly, as a decree from the powers that be. Capitalism is not an engine that is out to control and subvert man. Corporations need customers. Zombies make lousy consumers.

Any person that becomes a parent realizes that a future is important. As long as children grace our lives, I choose to see man’s future as a promising one, and most SF will continue to reflect that promise.

I wonder if D Harlan Wilson would buy my notion of a bright future? He better. Resistance is futile.

The Other Stuffâ€

The Windup Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi (as reviewed by Blue Tyson) is a novel set in a future where most of Earth’s oil reserves have been exhausted. Set around Bangkok, much of the power generated is done so by the kinetic energy from human labor and genetically engineered animals. The novel is done from more than one perspective and brings to life a world that must deal with mutated animals and diseases brought upon by meddling with genetics. New political lines, old technologies, and fresh technological solutions for a power-starved world appear to be the draw of this novel.

Tyson’s review describes Bacigalupi’s novel as a dystopia, one that “leaves you uneasy the whole way through, but fascinated”. Mr. Tyson is so enamored with it that he gave it 5 stars, and believes that it will be important to the future of Sci-Fi. I can’t imagine a higher praise than that.

Panverse One edited by Dario Cireillo (as reviewed by Charles Tan) is an anthology with five original novellas. The theme is unclear but Mr. Tan does provide a small review for each story. I found the cover of the book fascinating and Charles leads me to believe the work within is fitting for it. He writes favorably of each story but reserves his highest praise for “Delusion’s Song” written by Alan Smale, proclaiming that it is deserving of an award.

Although short, Charles Tan’s review was the most convincing as a sales pitch. I just may buy myself a copy.

There are two poems in Bull Spec. Inspired by Windmills by Kaolin Imago Fire and Ratang by Ralan Conley.

As one not drawn to poetry I have little to offer. If I were to pick from the two I would choose Ratang for its humor.

In Sam Montgomery-Blinn’s interview of game developer, Lee Hammock, we learn of the creation and premise of one of the most anticipated RPG games of the year, Fallen Earth.

The premise of the game is set in the year 2156 in the Grand Canyon. It is a hundred years after a plague has wiped out 99.9% of life on Earth. The Shiva virus has mutant life. Players in the game are immune carriers that battle deadly monsters while escaping from a revolt of dictatorship that controls the Hoover Dam.

Mr. Hammock provides insight to what potential players may face in the game as well as the direction the designers are planning for future adaptations to the game as well as the collaborative process involved in creating the game.

The conversation between Sam and Lee changes to Lee’s earlier RPG games and to his contributions to the graphic novels of the Halo RPG. Mr. Hammock speaks highly of his writing team as well as rubbing elbows with his colleagues, even showing a little envy for a successful competitorâ€

“â€you’re going for a burrito, why are you driving the Lamborghini? That’s just rubbing our noses in it!”

If only I could face such problems.

I am not one to play computer RPG games. However, it would be naà ¯ve to ignore their effect on today’s SF market. The shelves of the bookstores are filling with these fan-fic popular books. Lee Hammock, I imagine, is a person that fascinates many people. This interview should provide a glimpse many are after.

Sam also interviews the owner (Jennifer Bedell) and manager (Zachary Boyd) of SCI-FI GENRE COMICS AND GAMES. The store, located at 3125 Old Chapel Hill RD, Durham, NC, is set in an old warehouse. It is a haven for those that love the games, D&D games, and collectable game cards, like the Magic Gathering that have become popular.

The store boasts a sizeable staff that can provide you help that no ordinary department store can. The duo have a business plan that I hope keeps it alive for years to come. It sounds like a fun place to visit.

There is also one micro-flash story titled There Are No Orcs by Josh Whiton, short but sweet. It is translated into French and Spanish. Wouldn’t it be something if it were to become the Rosetta Stone for future generations?

If you are looking for variety in your Speculative Fiction, Bull Spec is the magazine for you. The stories cover a wide spectrum for fans of all types. The reviews and interviews follow the same pattern. I believe that is wise if the editors are looking for a wide audience. I did see one thing that linked them all together. All the stories, as well as the subject in the chief interview, were a shade on the darker side. Could be it was just a coincidence but I worry it could become common because of the prevailing tastes. Knowing that all the works of fiction carry that same theme would make them predictable over time.

Other than the slightly shaded theme, all the storytellers varied in quality and style. The differences were good and added to my enjoyment. However, the most thought provoking item in the magazine was D Harlan Wilson’s interview.

Of the three short stories I thought Rise Up was written the best but A Good Day To Go Outside I enjoyed the most. All the reviews I found helpful and I encourage Bull Spec to continue this service. I also appreciated the novel excerpt. Keep that up as well.

Sam Montgomery-Blinn’s interviews were well done. He asked relevant questions and steered the conversations on an engaging path, getting his subjects to relax, which made for a lot of information given freely. Quite a skill he has for this. Perhaps that microphone Sam is talking into on page 63 explains how he fine-tuned that skill.

I thought the artwork was well done, the announcements at the end informative, and the GUD ad fitting. The quality and set up of Bull Spec is worthy of any pro-magazine. However, for Bull Spec to become a SFWA it needs to stand out.

The cover art by Mike Gallagher is drawn well, a little too well. If Bull Spec is sitting on a long rack in a bookstore among a hundred of other magazines, I may assume it to be an American Art Review knock off. Although the old woman presenting a mandolin did fit the lead story it wouldn’t have been enough to capture my eye.

Bull Spec is full of variety but it isn’t set up that way. The first third is all stories, then all reviews and interviews from that point on. It is wise to place your lead story in the opening pages but the interviews, I thought, should have been mixed in with the fictional works. The readers that aren’t so inclined to read interviews may toss the magazine aside and remember Bull Spec to be thin in content because only the first 20 to 30 pages interested them.

Bull Spec did make for a nice read. Enjoyed all the stories, liked that they were spread across a variety of genres, appreciated the reviews, and was impressed by the interviews. What I would like to see from future issues would be more of a mixed format. Also there were four stories to enjoy but only two were original shorts and one of the four a novel excerpt. The interviews were nice but three was one too many. Lee Hammock and D Harlan Wilson were both worthy of headlining promotion, splitting them up onto separate issues might have been a better idea. One more original work of fiction and one less interview I think is the way to go, and it is that additional work of fiction I believe would put Bull Spec on the map.

The only thing the magazine needs to make it stand out is star power, a recognizable name on its cover. Without knowing the inner workings of running or editing a magazine (which may make me naà ¯ve), the editors should reach out and offer a spot in its pages, even if it is sight unseen, to a big name in SF. It would be the magnet Bull Spec needs. True, C S Fuqua and Michael Jasper are not first time writers, but there are several well known attention grabbers that may be all to happy to showcase there work for a new audience. All it might take is contacting them or their agents. In fact, D Harlan Wilson may have been able to provide one of his short works for the magazine. I learned of who he was in the interview, what the reviewers thought of his two books, but aside from a brief excerpt in one of the reviews, I have no idea of what his writing was like.

All in all, I thought Sam and his staff did a fine job with their debut issue.

Look for Bull Spec to be gracing the shelves of your favorite bookstore, or you can order a print copy or PDF copy online. The PDF copy is available for “donate what you want”, and yes that includes $0 (but if you like it I hope you consider chipping in a few bucks). I recommend that you get yourself a copy.

Frank is a truck driver that pretends that he can write. He’s managed to fool a few publishers, with the latest being Strange, Weird, and Wonderful, where his story Playgel Riser will debut this summer. Frank has been driving for over twenty years without an accident or traffic ticket on his record. HeÂis able to boast this claim because ofÂhis professional attitude, skilled driving, and a really good lawyer.

The Best of Escape Pod

Escape Pod is the mother ship of speculative fiction podcasts. Five years ago, Steve Eley posted the very first Escape Pod episode, and set out with the goal of providing a weekly audio speculative fiction story. He did not want to charge for it, and he didn’t want listeners to be annoyed by constant advertisements. And he’s kept to these goals remarkably well for nearly half a decade. He’s created a company to run it, Escape Artists Inc., which has spawned two sister podcasts, Pseudopod for horror and Podcastle for fantasy, while refocusing Escape Pod’s tastes to focus on science fiction. All three are supported by user donations. You can make a one-time payment or set up a monthly payment, whichever makes the most sense to you. They prefer reprints, though they do run original stories from time to time (like mine), so they’re sort of like a “Best of” podcast themselves, taking high quality stories that have (usually) appeared elsewhere, and breathing new life into them by having them read aloud.

I’m eternally grateful to Steve Eley for starting this venture because Pseudopod was the very first market to ever buy my fiction. If it weren’t for the success of Escape Pod, that sale would never have happened. After I received the Pseudopod acceptance letter, I set out to listen to Pseudopod’s backlog to find out whose footsteps I was following in, and I loved it!  If you’re like me and you rarely take the time to just sit down and read, podcasts are the perfect medium. I listen to stories while driving to and from work and while doing low-cognitive tasks around the house like washing dishes or raking leaves. So I listened to all of the Pseudopod stories, and then wrote a Best of Pseudopod list. I did the same for Best of Podcastle. And now, to complete the Best of Escape Artists trifecta, this is the Best of Escape Pod list.

I’ve listened to every single Escape Pod story that’s been published to date, 239 full length episodes and many flash fiction extras. iTunes estimates 6.5 days of audio for all of this. And from all of those stories, I’ve picked my top 10 ranked favorites, along with 6 more that almost made the list. In truth, there were a lot more that I would’ve liked to put on the list, but I really wanted to keep it at a top 10, not a top 100 or 200. Trimming it down to just these 16 was extremely difficult, but these are what I consider the cream of the crop and I hope you agree. And the good news is that there are plenty more quality episodes to listen to after this.

By the way, Escape Pod is on hiatus for the moment because Steve Eley’s second child was born a couple months ago. He’s resigning from his position as editor of Escape Pod, but EP will be returning with new episodes and a new editor on May 12th.

Okay, I’ve rambled on long enough, on to the list!

1. Sinner, Baker, Fablist, Priest; Red Mask, Black Mask, Gentleman, Beast by Eugie Foster
Read by Lawrence Santoro

Another world very different from our own, where masks define who you are. The worldbuilding in this is among the best I’ve ever seen, easing you into this strange world at just the right pace so that it’s neither boring or too confusing. The first section or two are a little hard to grasp, but just keep listening, it should start to come together. This one is nominated for this year’s Hugo award, and I really think it deserves it. And, as if that weren’t enough, this is one of those cases where a narrator transforms a great story into something even more outstanding. Lawrence has a very versatile and emotional voice and it fits perfectly with this story.

2. Friction by Will McIntosh
Read by Stephen Eley

There’s some great philosophy on this one and some great characters as well. Told from an alien point of view, I really felt for the characters and this story left me pondering long after it was done, about finding a purpose in life.

3. Exhalation by Ted Chiang
Read by Ray Sizemore

Another great philosophical one. Another alien point of view, this story leans more toward the hard science fiction side of things than I usually care to go, but manages to tie in the science in such a way that it’s interesting to hear about, it’s relevant to the plot, and makes me sink into a delightful philosophical stupor.

4. Connie, Maybe by Paul E. Martens
Read by Wichita Rutherford

The funniest Escape Pod episode, this one had me rolling. This is another case where the perfect choice of narrator made the story transcend above the words it contained. Wichita Rutherford’s exaggerated backwoods accent fits perfectly with this story about identity and alien abduction.

5. Lachrymose and the Golden Egg by Tim Pratt
Read by Stephen Eley

Don’t look so surprised. You knew that Tim Pratt had to be on the list after he got 3 spots in the Best of Podcastle top 10. I don’t know how he does it, but with every story he manages to create an interesting and unique setting and populate it with compelling characters and keep me on the edge of my seat up until the end. A great story about parallel worlds and the ties between them, and the price you’re willing to pay to help others.

6.ÂÂ I Look Forward to Remembering You by Mur Lafferty
Read by Daisy Ottman, Anna Eley, and Stephen Eley

A great example of a time travel story done right. A woman hires a time-traveling consort to travel back in time to help herself lose her virginity in the hopes of improving her current life. Heartfelt and wonderfully done. Also includes a mention of Ranma 1/2, which was a great show.

7. His Master’s Voice by Hannu Rajaniemi
Read by Peter Piazza

A tale of cyberhumans and clones as told by cyborg dog. Can it get any better than this? Yes it can–the cyborg dog also has a cyborg cat friend! The first few minutes can be a little confusing as you try to sort out the setting, and I’m not entirely sure that I understood everything that happened. But whether or not I did, I enjoyed the ride!

8. Barnaby in Exile by Mike Resnick
Read by Paul Fischer

Resnick has a reputation on the Escape Pod forums for writing tearjerkers, and this is definitely one of those. Barnaby the ape talks to his handler about various and sundry things, all filtered through his very limited point of view. If this doesn’t make you feel any emotion, then you may very well be a robot.

9. Reparations by Merrie Haskell
Read by Mary Robinette Kowal

A worthwhile use for time travel! I dug this story mostly for its premise. The story’s compelling as well, but just the idea itself had me so in awe of Merrie Haskell’s creative powers that I was too awestruck to nitpick the story much. I’d like to think that I would volunteer for this program if such a program existed.

10. How I Mounted Goldie, Saved my Partner Lori, and Sniffed out the People’s Justice by Jonathon Sullivan
Read by Stephen Eley and Jennifer Bowie

Another canine point of view. What can I say, I like dogs! Told as a debriefing of a K-9 cop. Steve Eley outdoes himself with the voice on this one, sounding like a perfect dog. Keep in mind while you listen to this one that Pixar had not yet release UP when this story was published, so he is not just copying Dug. I like to think that someone at Pixar heard the story and that Dug is a copy of Steve Eley’s voice. Also, for anyone who’d like to get a peek behind the scenes of podcasting, EP also released an unedited version which includes multiple takes, and just BSing between Stephen and Jennifer. I wouldn’t listen to it before the final cut, but I got some laughs out of it listening to it after.


Honorable Mentions:

Impossible Dreams by Tim Pratt
Read by Matthew Wayne Selznick

A hugo winner, and perfect for media lovers.

Cinderella Suicide by Samantha Henderson
Read by MarBelle

Full of weird slang, a little hard to follow at times, but fun.

Pennywhistle by Greg van Eekhout
Read by Anna Eley

Flash fiction. Dark, very dark, but oh so great.

When We Went to See the End of the World by Robert Silverberg
Read by J.C. Hutchins

A bit dated, written decades ago. A vision of the future that had me laughing for odd reasons.

Save Me Plz by David Barr Kirtley
Read by Mur Lafferty

A world where monsters are commonplace, people carry swords, but knights and pirates never existed. Fun!

Off White Lies by Jeffrey R. DeRego
Read by Scott Sigler

Just one of the many Union Dues superhero stories by Mr. DeRego that ran on EP. I like most of them to some extent, but this one has some actual action.